WHOA-MUMMA!

Poncy Prams

2012-01-28T17:30:00.006+10:00

I reeeeeally didn't want to buy another pram for Miss Holly

(because I'm a cheap skate and would rather spend my money on shoes that I will never wear)

but after my mother made a few snide comments

about someone with 5 kids not having a flash poncy pram -

"Heavens, what will people think?!"

(People? What people?)

I had to admit that after nearly 3 years of hauling Jazz and Jordy and lots of beach bashing, our 3 wheel/ toddler seat combo (which only cost $99) may have seen better days and needed an upgrade.

Apparently, after stalking some 'real' mothers, she had her eye on the latest IT pram - the Stokke Xplory - a bargain at $1529.95.

Dream on, Grandma.

This is what I wanted, mostly just because I like the colour.
Because I'm practical like that.

The Steelcraft Strider Plus Combo with toddler seat and baby capsule for the car.

Side note - we had to get a new capsule after we LENT our other one to a friend who then SOLD it.

Seriously, who does that?????

The cheapest price I could find for the whole lot was $891.94 not including shipping.

Which in pram prices

(if you're not a parent - google it - you'll have a heart attack)

wasn't bad

but I just couldn't spend THAT much money on more baby crap.

So after ~~wasting more time on facebook~~ checking out Ebay

I thought 'stuff it' and hit the Target Baby Sale.

The store was full of parents trying to figure how to fold and unfold all the damn prams.

I thought about the Cruiser with the detachable seat thingy but figured that would just annoy me
(okay, I admit it - I couldn't open the bloody thing)
so instead I picked out all this stuff.

Orbit stroller with handle that goes both ways, that the capsule can fit into for days that I only have the baby, double layback stroller when 2 kids need transporting and a bunch of wraps and fleecy blankets that match everything.

Good enough.

If I ever get if off layby.

So be honest...how much did you spend on a pram? Was it worth it?

Or better yet - anyone got a blue Strider pram they're trying to get rid of????

Hmmmmm....Random New Baby Thoughts...

2012-01-28T13:18:00.000+10:00

That awkward moment

when you're deciding

whether or not to poke the sleeping baby to check if it's still alive...

So Breastfeeding Is Like Pooping In Public??? Really?????

2012-01-18T08:00:00.009+10:00

To amuse myself I like to post pics on the Whoa Mumma facebook page relevant to whatever is going on in my day.

Right now, it's all about the boobs.

They're rock hard, swollen and leak.

Sexy.

But they keep the 6 day old baby occupied.

So if you follow me on FB you might have seen these pics.

Hilarious, I know

* rolls eyes *

And this one.

Which started a conversation.

I don't care if you breast feed, bottle feed or give your baby steak sandwiches from birth.

I chose to breast feed because I've been lucky and sore boobies aside, have found it easy, it's free and means I don't have to wash bottles

(washing dishes sucks).

If I have to feed in public I will.

That's the great thing about breast feeding - it's ready when you are. No having to heat up formula in a scuzzy parents room (and I've seen some shockers).

But it seems that people are still freaked out by women breast feeding in public.

Especially in restaurants and cafes etc.

Which BOGGLES my mind!

We have images of breasts rammed down our faces

PUSH THEM UP, SHOW THEM OFF

yet stick a baby's mouth on them

and they're offensive?

A comment from one reader...

is there anything wrong with pumping and putting the breast milk in a bottle, for say, when you are in public? Because I know its natural, good for the baby and mom and all..... but so is having a bowel movement......but....I don't want to SEE YOU DO THAT IN PUBLIC EITHER.

How is this

Me boobing the baby right this very minute

similar to

THIS?

(apart from my hair looking like sh*t)

Personally, I get more offended when I see a bunch of women yakking in a cafe and a little baby prop feeding itself in the corner like this.

Does the thought of flashing a little boob or seeing a baby feeding in public freak you out?

Hooray For Big Bums And Boobies - the Golden Globes Edition

2012-01-17T11:20:00.008+10:00

Yesterday the 2012 Golden Globes were held over in La La Land.

Not that my opinion means diddly to anyone

but

my picks for best dressed?

Reese Witherspoon looking smoking in red, Brad and Angelina (brush your hair Brad),

Elle McPherson (stunning and rocked the walk on the stage) and Sophia Vergara.

I want a mermaid dress.

Stunning.

* Sigh *

Her Atelier Versace gown even came with its own bib. The woman thinks of everything.

Worst?

Sarah Michelle Gellar

"It's funny - I didn't try on that many dresses. My 2 year old walked in and said Mama wear this!"

Obviously.

BACK TO REALITY

Miss Holly is now 5 days old.

Perfection personified.

Sleeps, poops, feeds then sleeps some more.

Possibly the worlds best baby and that's a totally unbiased opinion.

There's only one thing, well two things actually, that are becoming a bit of a nuisance.

My Golden Globes are putting in an award winning performance of their own.

(Do you like how I've tied that in, huh?)

Hearing the baby makes my milk let down.

Thinking the word 'baby' makes my milk let down.

Doing absolutely nothing makes my milk let down.

Which has made me look udderly ridiculous.

When I least expect it, my bazookas shoot jet streams of milk.

Nifty way to turn someone's black coffee into a flat white.

From across the room.

Or cafe (which is why I haven't left the house).

I breast fed all the other kids.

None looked as

terrified

as this one

when I whipped my melons out.

"Oh MY GOD - what the hell can I wear to cover up these MONSTERS????" I moaned to the husband.

He took a look at my chest and smirked.

"You can just walk around naked...I won't mind."

Bastard.

NO BOOBIES FOR YOU!

Linking up with IBOT today.

Everyone Loves A Gory Birth Story, Right?

2012-01-14T14:01:00.004+10:00

So you're here for a

gory, horror birth story, eh?

Got a hankering for a tale filled with rusty forceps, bloody episiotomies and ruptured uteruses?

Then click here, you sick b*stards.

Now,

without further adieu

I give you the birth story of baby number 5 - a tale also known as

Gold Coast Hospital Sucks.

So as I mentioned in the previous post,

the husband was out gallivanting with his mates and I was ready to hit the hay.

Last thought as I rolled into bed...

"I just need ONE night of really good sleep and then that baby can come out..."

Famous last words.

Cue contractions.

Of course.

Only little ones.

That could also just have been a stomach ache from the WHOLE box of Ferrero Rochers that accidently fell into my gob after dinner

I lay in bed, toying with the idea of getting up

but not really being fazed either way.

The husband stumbled

in from his night out at 10.30

and I let him snore for about 3 minutes before he got the tap on the shoulder.

The tap all men who've experienced the joy of childbirth dread.

The tap that implies

'I may be calm now, but in a few hours I'll be tearing you a new one as your child tears me a new one'.

An hour later,

with contractions about 6 minutes apart but still really mild,

I thought I'd be polite and give the hospital a heads up that I'd be coming in.

Which I normally don't do until I'm ready to leave, but I thought what the heck, it'll give me something to do.

So I dialled the number to the delivery suite and the phone rang.

And rang.

Cue funny joke to the husband that the hospital staff must all be pissing up at the tribute he'd just come home from.

So I tried again.

And it rang.

And rang.

Finally, somebody answered.

I gave her my details and told her I'd be coming into the ward in a few hours.

"Errr, no you can't." she replied.

Muffled screaming in the background.

"[Can someone shut that door?] We're full so you'll have to go somewhere else."

"So you want me to have it right here on the kitchen floor?"

I laughed.

She didn't.

"We have no staff or beds here, we can't take you and you'll have to go somewhere else."

So in between contractions, my good humour evaporated.

The hospital that had made me come in two, sometimes three times a week for antenatal visits, pointless testing and general time wasting,

who were afraid I was carrying a GIANT of a baby that was going to rip me open when it slid out

was

now

too damn busy

actually deliver the baby.

The phone was thrown at the husband

and I went to cry in the toilet.

I could hear him trying to have a 'polite' conversation with the moron on the end of the phone.

Later he told me that she'd said

"If you have a problem with the situation GO TO THE MEDIA."

Seriously.

Does the Gold Coast Bulletin have a delivery suite I didn't know about???

Gold Coast Hospital, you suck.

He was given the phone number to Logan Hospital and told to try there.

I cried in the toilet.

Then started bleeding.

Scary, red blood.

Logan told us to get there as quickly as we could

(which the husband took quite literally and had a Fast and The Furious moment doing 140km down the whole highway)

The staff took one look at my miserable face and set me up in the delivery room.

I was about 4cm dilated and with each contraction I continued to bleed.

A doctor examined me, broke my waters and decided to stay.

Not a great sign.

Another midwife came in to keep an eye on me.

There was talk of ruptured placentas etc.

The husband was banished to a corner of the room and told not to talk or look at me.

By me.

I was scared.

I said no to drugs because they make me want to vomit.

I vomited anyway.

I've done this child birth thing 4 times now -

I managed the labours drug free, retained my sanity and composure through out and emerged from the births fairly unscathed.

This time it hurt.

Really f*cking hurt.

Fear can really screw with your mind.

Lots of staff in a delivery room = problem.

Nobody says anything to the person dying on the bed, they just whisper amongst themselves.

The baby's heart rate suddenly dropped,

the doctor freaked out and flipped me onto my side to try and find a better position for the baby.

I may have have begged them to just cut that bloody baby out and get it over and done with.

The baby's heart rate went back up and so I was made to labour on my side.

Which hurt.

A lot.

Cue REALLY LOUD MOANING to try and channel the pain.

I apologise to anyone who had to listen my yodeling.

I wish I could have yelled funny things like

"OWWWW my BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM"

like the lady down the hall.

Maybe next time.

Anyway, after hours and hours of agony

(okay, I exaggerate, I was on that bed for about 2 hours)

I was ready to die,

sick of pushing every time I had a contraction just to try and ease the pain

(even though they hadn't said to push)

sick of people looking at me,

sick of the silence

(which made my moaning even louder and more embarrassing)

sick of seeing my crappy hair dye job in the mirror

(note to self - ash blonde means grey you cheap skate, stop buying it just because it's on special)

sick of not knowing when it would be over...

when all of a sudden I felt something akin to a bowling ball moving in my pelvis

"Here's the baby now, you're going to feel a sting..."

Cue the burning ring of fire

and

whoosh

GOOD GOLLY

MISS HOLLY

popped out.

Perfectly healthy, completely unfazed by the whole bloody ordeal.

Born at 3.23am weighing 3.91kgs.

Pink disposable delivery gown was a prezzie from Pretty Pushers.

Very relieved doctors shuffled off to their next patient, while my midwife Sammy amused herself.

As soon as that baby was out, I came back to life and we all

had a good bitch

how hopeless Gold Coast Hospital was.

The husband is still traumatised by the whole thing.

Good.

So that was the wee hours of Thursday morning.

It's now Saturday and time to share my first piccies of the latest addition,

our little Logan Bogan,

to our family.

Introducing

Holly Eden

born

12/01/12 weighing 3.91kgs.

Divine little baby, very mellow and loved to bits by everyone already.

I feel great.
Nothing hurts, I'm a bit tired and I STILL HAVE CANKLES goddammit
but otherwise,

despite the birth
(thinking I was going to die blah blah blah)
I feel really good and very happy.

And yes, I'm amusing myself sticking bows and other girly stuff into her fabulous hair.

Just When You Thought It Would Never Happen...

2012-01-11T09:24:00.000+10:00

Days that start off like this in our house,

serene...relaxed...problem free

Usually have a habit of doing a complete 180 on you.

Case in point - Wednesday 11th January.

All was well in the Whoa Mumma household.

The house was clean.

The kids were sorted with their back to school supplies.

The husband was off at a friends memorial tribute.

The bed was all mine.

Until drifting off to sleep, I got that strangely familiar, ominous feeling in the pit of my belly.

To be continued...

Bump Watch...

2012-01-06T12:53:00.003+10:00

I've switched the phone to silent.

You might remember me

freaking out a few months ago

because after 4 winter births, this was going to be my first summer baby.

You know,

perfectly rational fears

about

possible whale sightings on the beach etc...

Well apart from

TMI ALERT

hideous chafing

(you're welcome)

hospital hypochondriacs

(most doctors are retarded)

and giving

Mel B a run

for her money in the bootylicious preggo bottom department

(we could be twins - just imagine me in the 'burbs, blonde, without the full face of make up or paparazzi lurking in the backyard)

it's been pretty cruisy.

The last few days have been spent marinating in the pool, taking indulgent nanna naps on the couch with the air con full ball
and
getting totally sucked into Bold & The Beautiful.

So please excuse the lack of posts and pics hogging your facebook news feeds.

Being lazy is extremely underrated.

Expected due date is 14th Jan.

Foot Fetish Friday - Goodbye 2011! Shiny Disco Ball

2011-12-30T21:48:00.001+10:00

Welcome

to the last

Foot Fetish Friday

for

2011.

So let's go

a little bit

disco

for our final footwear fix of the year.

Shiny, sparkly

(a little bit gawdy - thanks male readers lol!)

and

totally fabulous.

Thank you for playing

along

shoeholics!

Happy New Year!

Gourmet Night In With Crust Pizza

2011-12-29T13:26:00.005+10:00

If you don't already know (moan, complain, woe is me) I'm about a bazillion years pregnant.

Which pretty much places any task in the too hard basket.

Reach feet?

Too hard.

Cook dinner?

Can't be bothered.

Get dressed and go out to dinner?

Fuggedaboutit.

So when Crust Gourmet Pizza offered to shout the entire Whoa Mumma household

gourmet night in

complete with pizzas, drinks, desserts, a pack of UNO and a DVD

(NO WORK FOR ME!!!)

how

could I have refused???

We ordered online and the husband was dispatched to our local Crust Pizza Bar and came back loaded up with goodies.

His selection?

The Moroccan Lamb and Peking Duck Upper Crust Pizzas for the grown ups

(OMG - the smell of these two!)

and

Ham & Pineapple and Chicken & Pineapple for the kiddies

(kids meals are HUGE).

A Caesar Salad and chocolate mousses for dessert.

Cobba aka Slobber was dying to try some.

Except Daddy wasn't sharing with anyone.

I'll be honest.

Gourmet pizzas are wasted on my kids,

who picked off all the toppings before they ate them.

Ugh.

The chocolate mousses and poppers they attacked with gusto.

I gave up eating take away pizza a while ago.

I don't care how cheap the frisbees are on Tuesdays.

Cardboard bases with greasy toppings and 'mystery meat' aren't exactly my idea of a treat.

Crust's online gourmet menu had my mouth watering just looking at the selections.

(wipes drool off keyboard)

Seriously, how good do those deep dish pizzas look?!!!

You can check out exactly what's in them before you order too which is a bonus.

I'd recommend them as an easy and delicious party food to impress your friends

(I was impressed!)

or a treat for yourself.

Yum.

Wordless Wednesday on a Thursday...school holidays...

2011-12-29T09:54:00.000+10:00

Ugh.

Cankles Are Amazing!

2011-12-27T10:44:00.002+10:00

Xmas.

Done and dusted.

I'm sure I'll post an OTT photo collage when I can find the camera.

Or can be bothered.

Or can walk.

It seems Santa decided to be extra generous this year

and

remembered

that since

I'm 9 months pregnant, hot, sweaty and had to make lunch for the family

it was only fair that

I wake up

with

ELEPHANT SIZED CANKLES and FEET.

Awesome. So blessed.

(I'm blaming seven hours of whoring around the shopping centre on my feet, being sucked into the whole last minute Xmas crazy).

So add that to the imaginary gestational diabetes the hospital diagnosed

(which I don't have but thank you for letting me prick my finger every two hours to check my

ABSOLUTELY FINE

glucose levels over the Xmas weekend)

and

an ultrasound

showing that

baby was going to be another big one

(ow, crossing my legs just thinking about that fat head)

and

the fact that I no longer fit into

ANYTHING

(from an actual web site called 'fatspiration'. Sheesh.)

and

you're safe to assume

that I'm over being pregnant.

I'm also totally unprepared for looking after a newborn.

Yikes.

Whose dumb idea was this again???

Merry Xmas and all that jazz...

2011-12-24T13:17:00.002+10:00

Dear Santa,

I don't want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading this to be happy.

Friends are the fruit cake of life - some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet - but mix them together and they're my friends.

But unlike fruit cake * barf * you're all delicious!!!

Hope you all make it through Christmas with your sanity and liver intact.

♥ Alex aka Whoa Mumma

FOOT FETISH FRIDAY! The Sparkly, Tinsel Edition

2011-12-23T11:35:00.001+10:00

Merry Christmas

Foot Fetish Friday

Shoeholics!

This week let's run with the Xmas theme for our shoe gallery.

Think tinsel, baubles, fairy lights and ribbons on pressies.

Ho, Ho, Ho and away we go!

Wishing you all

very

Merry Christmas!

FOOT FETISH FRIDAY! Bling it on!

2011-12-16T12:12:00.002+10:00

Once again

fellow

shoeholics

it's time to

ooh and aah

over pretty shoes.

This week

let's

bling it up!

I've found the perfect shoe

for the woman who

has everything.

The

Eternal Borgezie Diamond Stiletto.

Gold, encrusted with 2 200 diamonds and only cost about $150 000 US.

Bargain.

Here

a few

slightly

more affordable alternatives.

LOVE THESE!

Feel free

to post your fave glitter

heels on the facebook page

for

Foot Fetish Friday.

A Little Bit of Xmas Good Karma

2011-12-13T11:37:00.001+10:00

That card pretty much sums up how I feel about Xmas.

I love the food, tinsel, fairy lights and whole ridiculous wintery wonderland

aspect of it

(in a 30 degree Australian summer)

but the

whole

season of peace, love and kindness idea

has me rolling my eyes.

But yesterday

the Xmas fairy must have been hovering near by and sprinkled me

with the

Spirit of Christmas.

I normally avoid the shops during this time of year.

It saves me a LOT of money

(impulse shopper from hell)

and

also saves my sanity.

But after playing nurse to 3 sick kids over the weekend, I needed to get out of the house and hit our local mall,

9 months pregnant

with a 4 and 2 year old.

Stoooooooopid idea.

4 year old pewked all over me in the playground.

Then the 2 year old pooped in the only spare nappy I'd brought.

Really pooped.

Sigh.

I'd had enough.

Then a fellow mum noticed that Jazz was having an exorcist moment and brought over some wipes

and a plastic bag and asked if I needed a hand.

A grandma noticed me wilting in the Target queue armed with nappies, wipes and a stinky kid and let me cut in front of her in the queue.

Nice.

Then I came home, passed out on the couch only to be woken by a knock on the front door.

Ready to go postal on who ever was disturbing nap time,

I opened the door to see the postie

with a stash of pressies for me!

Thank you

Shanna from A Burning Ambition Candle Parties for the delicious smelling candles,

Katrina from Pretty Pushers for the hot pink delivery gown

and

Lisa from Zen Designs for the bracelets.

So the Christmas crankiness dissipated.

Today I noticed

Shanna had this pic on her

facebook page.

How true.

So because I liked the buzz those acts of kindness gave me, I wanted to pass some good karma onto you!

Lisa sent me three of her Because...Bracelets

(which the little girls tried to pinch immediately

as they do to all of Lisa's pieces)

but

I got them back and

I'd like to give them to 3 lucky people.

I have purple, aqua and olive.

To enter,

let's get into the Spirit of Christmas!

(just rolled my eyes anyway, lol)

I want you to share a random act of kindness that you've experienced,

either

as the

giver or receiver.

(and let me know if you'd love a particular colour).

The winners will be drawn next Tuesday, 20th December 2011. Australian residents only this time.

Make sure you have a contactable email attached to your comment.

No Fail Xmas Cake Recipe

2011-12-10T06:00:00.004+10:00

I don't bake that often

but

this year

I thought I'd try and be all domesticated and try

my lovely friend's

no fail, tried and tested recipe for...

Tequila Christmas Cake

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. baking powder

1 cup water

1 tsp. salt

1 cup brown sugar

Lemon juice

4 large eggs

Nuts

1 bottle tequila

2 cups dried fruit

1. Sample the tequila to check quality.

2. Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Repeat.

3. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

4. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

5. At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK.

6. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.

7. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit.

8. Pick the fruit up off the floor.

9. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

10. Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila.

11. Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.

12. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

13. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

FOOT FETISH FRIDAY!

2011-12-09T12:54:00.002+10:00

Once again Friday has rolled around

(where did this week go????!!!)

so you know what it's time for

here on

Whoa Mumma

FOOT FETISH FRIDAY

Today is also

the last day of school before the summer holidays.

* sigh *

So at the thought of 6 weeks at home with the kids,
I came up with this pic

to post on the

facebook page.

Stupid Lego.

And then I thought

why not dedicate

this

Foot Fetish Friday

seriously stupid shoes.

(thanks, Ed)

Here we go.

Banana Peel shoes.

I would just be slipping over all day long.

Puppy Pumps.

More canine inspired clogs.

Giraffe Heels.

I think Helena Bonham Carter could totally rock these.

Handy slingshot heels.

Laundry Basket Heels.

And now for my favourite...

So stylish!

Happy Foot Fetish Friday!

XMAS PEER PRESSURE

2011-12-08T13:29:00.005+10:00

I confess

that I'm truly, truly lazy

~~all the time~~

at this time of year

and never get around to doing anything I say I'll do

(especially whenever anyone tags me)

but

lovely

fellow GC mum

Ironmum Karla

tagged me

on her

7 Chrismassy Things post

so here it is folks...

7 Christmassy Things You Don't Know About Me

You're welcome.

1. I'm Polish.

Not like shoe polish but as in from Poland.

So no Christmas is complete without Polish food.

Cooked by my mother because as we've already established I AM LAZY.

Poppy seed cake (to sedate the relos), Polish potato salad, meat jelly (oh, I KNOW you want some of that) and when not breeding, copious amounts of vodka - the real spirit of Christmas.

2. I give the kids FANTASTIC gifts.

This year

~~I'm~~

they're getting a plethora of cool stuff.

But I am a terrible gift giver where the husband is concerned.

He is given free reign

to buy himself WHATEVER he wants

and to throw it under the tree

just to save me the headache.

3. I always say I don't want Santa to bring me anything

(this applies to birthdays, Valentines Day and anniversaries)

but would totally sulk if there wasn't anything under the tree for me.

About to drop not so subtle hints -

Blinged out white Guess watch.

And this closet.

That's not asking for too much, is it?

4. When it's not raining

PLEASE DO NOT RAIN THIS YEAR

THE RAIN MAKES

ME CRAZY

we like to spend the day at the beach.

5. Essential Christmas viewing.

All the dodgy stop motion shows and cartoons from the 60s

and

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

6. Instead of a Christmas morning shlumping around in our PJs, being slobs because it's too damn hot to do anything else,

I fantasise about one day having a

cold, white Christmas

with

all the trimmings.

That somebody else sets up, cooks for and cleans up after.

Because - repeat after me - I'M LAZY!

7. Christmas is about the only time I can get the kids to sit still for 30 seconds CLEAN & CLOTHED

for a family photo.

If you've made it this far,

hoping that I'd tag you

so you can join in the Xmas fun

* insert your name here *

BUMP WATCH and a fat chick on a soapbox...

2011-12-06T16:56:00.007+10:00

On the weekend

I had a sticky beak around the internet

and

happened to spot Bec from Vino's & Babycinos

"F*ck me, I'm HUGE!"

bump pics.

Go and have a look - she's totally cute and the looks on her face are priceless.

She's about 34 weeks (like me)

and because

I'm ~~an idiot~~ really competitive and go OTT with everything,

I had a Crocodile Dundee-like

'BELLY? That's not a belly. This is a BELLY!'

moment.

Tee hee.

Anyway, in related bump type news

I had my first

appointment at the hospital

where

I pop the babies out.

It's my 5th time around

and

my file is huge.

And I found the whole experience kind of depressing and irritating.

I get that the midwives taking down your information

(for the fifth damn time - wouldn't it be easier to

just

TURN BACK A PAGE?!)

are just following procedure.

But seriously?

If you weren't depressed before you went in there,

you definitely would be afterwards!

Over 4 kids - OMG!

(Let's ignore the fact that you look completely normal, happy and you've had easy labours, natural, drug free deliveries with the other kids)

Let's scare the crap out of you with talk of hemorrhaging.

2 page questionnaire on how bad the last seven days were.

Did you cry?

(Yes, the dog ate my cheese.)

Were you tired?

(Yes, I'm 8 months pregnant)

Were you overly emotional?

(Yes, see above)

Have you been stressed in the last 12 months?

Huh?

You moved? Shock, horror!

And on, and on...

My favourites?

Who's looking after your other children while you're here?

Has your partner slapped you in the last 12 months?
(WTF?!!!)

Did you plan on having this many children?

The whole experience raised my blood pressure to boiling point

and made me feel like the

hospital

was assuming that this was my family.

Maybe it's because I'm cynical

and

hate hospitals

(FYI doctors and nurses - we can hear you when you're chatting in the hallways)

but

it would be nice

if just for once people assumed the

POSITIVE

instead

of always assuming the

NEGATIVE

when it comes to women and large families.

Yes, we can afford to have them. Yes, they're all with the same partner. Yes, we did want a large family.

That was more of a rant than I planned. Sorry!

FOOT FETISH FRIDAY!

2011-12-02T06:00:00.003+10:00

Foot Fetish Friday

was started

after I had

MASSIVE

stack in a pair of super hot black peep toe heels on a big night out.

Awesome fun, drunk as a skunk, in ER at 2am.

End result - weeks stuck on the couch (and computer) with a sprained ankle.

So I have massive sympathy for

radio & TV personality Fifi Box

who

came a cropper

at the ARIA's on Sunday night

wearing

these

15cm Miss Amazon heels from Peeptoe.

Before and after.

Ouch!

I've been giggling at her battered knees on The Morning Show all week.

So this

Foot Fetish Friday

I'm sharing

more super high heels

from Peeptoe Shoes that I'd be happy to break an ankle in.

Who cares if I'd be 7 feet tall wearing them,

I love them!

Ever had an epic stack while wearing

ridiculously

AWESOME

high heels?

Magshop.com.au & NW Magazine Help Me Write A Xmas Wish List

2011-11-29T16:25:00.018+10:00

I have a confession to make.

Most of you know that I have a bunch of kids. That I like shoes. That I spend waaaaay too much time on facebook.

I’m also a New Weekly Subscription ex magazine hoarder.

I used to have subscriptions to A LOT of magazines.

An annual expense I justified because a) subscriptions are a bazillion times cheaper than buying them elsewhere and b) they’re the perfect present – for me, from me.

The gift that just keeps on giving!

Just the sight of shiny plastic wrapped covers sitting in the mail box would instantly transport me to my happy place. A place filled with Bump Watches, Stars Without Makeup, She’s Too Fat/ She’s Too Thin, fashion inspirations and warnings.

Tragically, my magazine renewal notices went AWOL several months ago when we moved (any ideas Mr Whoa Mumma?) and I never got around to renewing my favourites.

Which means I’ve been guilty of catching up on my celebrity gossip the way most mums do - grabbing a copy of the closest mag and giving it a skim read – while loading groceries onto the check out conveyor belt and trying to stop the kiddies from opening and eating every Kinder Surprise in a 5 metre radius.

But this weekend, Magshop.com.au asked me to take the plunge, buy NW magazine and see what I’ve been missing by not renewing my subscriptions. So I did. Then locked the kids in the basement, grabbed a cuppa and dived head first into the #1 mag for celebrity gossip.

I’ll be honest. I hate fluff pieces with ‘confidential sources’ and ‘insiders'. I hate Brangelina bashing stories. But I ADORE stories like 'SURGERY SHOCKERS' – stars doing anything to turn back the hands of time – with the results being more freaky than fresh faced.

Oh Megan Fox – what have you done to your beautiful face?

Sophie Monk and The Only Way Is Essex girls are also totally guilty of going OTT with the needle and they’re only in their 20s.

Stupid! Crossing Botox off the to do list.

They would have been better off flicking to the back of the mag and heeding the Body Blitz advice from Zooey Deschanel and Rachel Finch – exercise, relax, have fun and eat healthy. Happy girls are the prettiest!

So I emerged from my NW magazine session having had a giggle, a ‘WTF has she done to herself?!’ moment, a positive Brangelina story - “My boys love to eat crickets. It’s their favourite thing” (What a good mother she is) and with at least a dozen pairs of shoes to add to my Christmas wish list.

All you need from a mag.

So Santa – don’t forget to add a few subscriptions to that list this year too, ‘mkay?

Are you looking for the perfect Christmas present? Give your loved ones a magazine subscription this year and you can win a tropical escape to Hawaii with Magshop’s Christmas competition. Treat your family and friends to a magazine subscription today - it’s the gift that keeps on giving all year round!

(MR WHOA MUMMA – take note!)

This was a paid post through Nuff Nang Australia. All opinions and views expressed were my own. Because I truly love Brangelina. And Megan Fox – why, oh why?

Bubbles and Broken Butts

2011-11-29T11:52:00.004+10:00

Last week

I was nagged into blowing $10

on this

Billion Bubbles Generator.

Now, I have a knack for slipping over anything and everything.

Me + water + any object on the floor = instant carnage.

Who could forget

the black bruise on my butt from the Slippery Sizzler Stairs Stack of 2009?

Or the 'Who Left That There?!' Skateboard Broken Toe Tumble of 2010?

Or the great Flip Flop & Melted Ice Cube Shuffle of last week?!

Good times, good times...

Just the thought of slippery, soapy bubbles

on the tiles

had me cowering on the couch.

Then I came up with the brilliant idea

of using it in the pool.

Amused the kiddies and the dumb dog for hours
(now days)

and
no clean up

broken butt for me.

$10 well spent.

Now I'm wondering what other activities I can relocate to the pool to save on mess...

Why Having Sex in April Was A Stupid Thing To Do...

2011-11-28T12:12:00.007+10:00

Keep in mind that I've got 4 other kids - all rather fluke-ily (is that a word?) born in the cooler months of May, June and 2 in August. I miss jeans.

1. In Australia, summer is hot. Duh. When you're 8 months pregnant, it feels at least 50 degrees hotter. And oh God - it's not even summer yet. Hey world - ease up on the whole global warming thing, mkay? Think of the ~~fat chicks~~ polar bears.

2. Figuring out that pregnant women waddle NOT because they have a baby head butting their pelvis but because the mere thought of their thighs rubbing together has them walking like John Wayne.

Chafing - not so much fun. My insider trading stock tip - buy up big in Neat 3B Action Cream. Whoa Mumma is buying it by the bucketful.

3. Trying to get comfortable in bed is near on impossible. Leg cramps, sore hips, sore knees, sweat, feet under your ribs, being kicked in the guts...

FYI - Pregnant women DO NOT look like this when they are sleeping.

They look like this.

Tee hee. And that's what'll happen if you attempt to get frisky too. Husbands take note.

(Just bought a pregnancy/ body pillow from KMART - insert chorus of angels - HALLELUJAH!)

4. Baby brain makes you vague and forgetful. I couldn't remember my daughters date of birth at the Prep Open Day today and had to ring the husband. Shame.

I've forgotten to put a nappy on the toddler. Twice. Poo + carpet = insert expletive of your choice.

5. I'm hungry. All the time. Is there any room left in my belly for food? No sirree! Which is probably a good thing (see reason 7).

6. Being ridiculously emotional about the most stupid things.

Last week I cried because the dog ate my cheese.

At the end of year Dance Concert, instead of rolling my eyes at the lame routines like I usually do, I cried because the little ballerinas looked so darn cute aimlessly thumping around the stage.

7. Buying underwear used to be fun. Graduating from size 12 undies to size 18 - 20 undies in 8 months - not so much. Can't wait for that weight loss adventure to begin.

8. And the top reason why having sex in April was a stupid thing to do?

In January I have to push a fat headed baby out of my vagina. Ow.

Christmas trees, decorations and other useless crap.

2011-11-24T11:16:00.006+10:00

I admit it.

I'm a sucker for Christmas.

Every year I swear that I'm not going to get sucked in by the hype and hoopla.

Ba - humbag and all that stuff.

I avoid shopping centres.

I layby a bunch of plastic in June for the kids, order some vouchers from Chrisco and I think I'm done.

But every year, around the middle of November, Christmas related thoughts start infiltrating my brain.

(I blame all the morning TV shows that I have on in the background while I work on the computer.)

I find myself humming Christmas carols.

I dream of tinsel and fairy lights.

I start fantasising that our Christmas is going to look like this...

When I know for a fact it'll probably look like this...

Yes, I know. Christmas in Australia is a classy affair.

So this year, I swore that I'd hold out until

the 1st December before the

Christmas silly season kicked off in the Whoa Mumma household.

I know getting obsessed with colours and themes for

Christmas

(capital letter or not - can't remember)

is a bit naff

but whatever.

For some reason, the husband tossed out our old tree when we moved.

So this year I planned to get a stylish, grown up, black tree with silver, black, turquoise and purple accents.

I'm having a severe case of OCD with those colours. In everything.

But yesterday it was hot.

Really hot.

The kids were cranky.

And hot.

And really cranky.

So in the interests of harmony and peace and all that other BS

Christmas is supposed to be about

I caved in and we hit the local shopping centre for industrial strength air conditioning and a tree.

But maneuvering

my big belly, a trolley, a stroller and a

4 and 2 year old

through

the stores for the perfect decorations was all too hard.

So instead of my chic christmas decor

we ended up with a $29 green tree from Kmart, a bazillion purple baubles (no turquoise Kmart WTF?)

and a battery operated bubble machine (don't ask).

Good enough.

This one's already managed to knock the whole thing down twice this morning.

Christmas tree - $29

Purple decorations - $27

8 month preggo me constantly tripping over the little purple balls of death - PRICELESS.

Fabulous Give Away Bonanza - WINNERS!

2011-11-23T07:28:00.001+10:00

Thank you to everyone

who helped

make

WHOA MUMMA'S FABULOUS GIVEAWAY BONANZA

a huge success!

And without further adieu - here are the names of the lucky ducks who'll be receiving these great products!

Brother Max

A huge prize pack

worth over $114!

WINNER - KIRSTY FROM COFFEE DRINKING MUMMY TO FIVE

It Works!

4 pack of Ultimate Body Applicator

$139

WINNER - LUCY FROM CLUCYSMITH@GMAIL.COM

Birdsnest

$100 gift voucher

WINNER - NINA DOWNES

Dressy Girl Kouture

4 x $25 e-gift vouchers

WINNER - REBECCA HARTMAN-RAYMOND

WINNER - TAMMY DODSON

WINNER - JASMINE KING

WINNER - SAMANTHA FROM US

Curvaceous Couture

$50 gift voucher

WINNER - SULLY.D@HOTMAIL.COM

Stucey Shoes

1 pair of shoes

Up to $54.95!

WINNER - JOS FROM SEW COOK LAUGH LIVE

Free Size Fashion

1 x Free Size Fashion Lace Smock in Red

Sizes 8-18

$49

WINNER - LAUREN FROM THE SURPRISE BEGINNING

The Karma Soap Company

$30 gift voucher

WINNER - KYLIE OFIU

Fussy Kids Inc

$20 gift voucher

WINNER - SALWA FROM SALZ FOOD ADVENTURE BLOG

My Little Fairy Door

$20 gift voucher towards a customised fairy door.

WINNER - GILLIAN FOR TESSIE GIRL

You'll be receiving an email shortly with details on how to claim your prizes.

Congratulations!

FOOT FETISH FRIDAY! Coloured shoes for brides - oh my!

2011-11-18T15:43:00.001+10:00

It's Foot Fetish Friday!

Time to indulge in the pretty things that cover the fugly bits at the bottom of your legs!

I'm feeling

little romantic

after attending a wedding on the weekend

(wedding addict here)

so I thought this

Foot Fetish Friday

we'd have a little

wedding theme.

So shoeholics -

Coloured or SHOCK HORROR flat bridal shoes

YAY or NAY?

I say

YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!

Dressy Girl Kouture - Just In Time For Party Season!

2011-11-18T07:56:00.002+10:00

Party season is just around the corner.

There are formals, graduations, Christmas parties and weddings, oh my!

And if you're like most girls, you've looked in your wardrobe and declared that

you have

absolutely

NOTHING TO WEAR!

Fret not -

Dressy Girl Kouture

has all your special occasion dresses and accessories needs covered.

Evening Bags and Purses.

Accessories including head pieces, belts, gloves, bouquet jewels and flower girl baskets.

Flower girl and Little Princess dresses.

Evening shoes, bridal shoes, children's shoes and dyeables.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

Cocktail dresses, little black dresses, party dresses and Homecoming dresses.

Evening dresses, celebrity dresses, pageant dresses, prom dresses.

I am in LOVE with the dresses in the pics - my favourite colours right now.

Special occasion dresses, Bridal and ball gowns.

Now for the best bit -

Dressy Girl Kouture

www.dressygirlkouture.com

www.facebook.com/dressygirlkouture

has 4 x $25 gift vouchers to give away in

Whoa Mumma's Fabulous Give Away Bonanza

(which ends Monday!)

What are you waiting for?!

Birdsnest - I ♥shopping online!

2011-11-16T07:56:00.001+10:00

Ever clicked on

www.birdsnest.com.au?

WARNING!

The Birdsnest site is highly addictive and may leave you looking and feeling

FABULOUS!

Their aim is to bring their fabulous range of fashion labels, styling and advice to as many people as possible.

They believe that what you wear can change how you feel about yourself, which will in turn, change your life!

They've designed their site for intelligent, resourceful and fashion conscious shoppers.

You can enjoy the shopping experience from the comfort of your own home or office without having to brave crowded stores or pushy sales staff.

You can shop by collection,

by body shape,

by colour,

shop by occasion,

(love the At Home pic, lol)

or by personality.

The newest feature on the Birdsnest site is their

free, personalised, style guide

where you can build your own style profile.

You can select as many body shapes, personalities, brands, colours and occasions that are relevant to you.

Ready to go shopping?

Visit the Fabulous Give Away Bonanza for the opportunity to receive a $100 gift voucher from Birdsnest.

Check out the Birdsnest site.

www.birdsnest.com.au

Stay updated with their facebook page.

www.facebook.com/birdsnest.com.au

What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman - The Wedding Edition.

2011-11-14T06:00:00.004+10:00

Last week I wrote an article for birth.com.au called What Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman.

I've been with child 4 times times so I've heard every inappropriate question/ comment ever made.

So I'd thought.

Whoa Mumma had the pleasure of being invited to a friend's wedding on the weekend.

A wedding held at their beautiful home near the beach at Salt in Casuarina.

So the guest list was all sorts of classy.

Until that special moment in the evening when the copious amounts of champagne served kicked in and the guests who were, until that moment strangers, decided to get friendly with the pregnant lady.

Being the only person sober at a wedding...let's be honest, sucks.

I try to avoid it as much as possible.

Drunk people are annoying. Who knew?

Lucky for me, the glamazons at this wedding were a friendly bunch.

Here are some of the lovely comments I received...

"Whoa! No 5! That's why you're so HUGE!" Cackle, cackle.

"Not due until January? You're going to be MASSIVE!"

"No 5! Are they all from the same guy?"

My drunk husband chuckled at this one.

Me shooting husband dirty look.

"I can't remember who their fathers are."

Standing in the vicinity of the lolly station casually minding my own business.

"I KNEW I'd find YOU here!"

Cackle, cackle.

Common comment -

"I'm getting sooooo drunk tonight because next year I plan on getting off the pill and being as HUGE as you are!"

Thanks for sharing.

My favourite of the evening -

"My fiance and I noticed you as soon as you came in.

You look amaaaaaaaazing!

You're GLOWING!

(sweating buckets)

You're belly is amaaaaaaaaazing.

(grope, grope)

And you're ASS!

OMG - it's so BIG and curvy and AMAAAAAAAAZING I just want to rub my hands all over it."

(she did)

OMFG. The belly/ ass appreciation went on for about 15 minutes. The husband nearly wet himself laughing.

Jerk.

Hope you enjoyed your JD headache the next morning, honey.

PS. Photo booths at weddings are cool.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2011

2011-11-11T01:00:00.002+10:00

DEFINITION OF A MASOCHIST -

Someone who googles

'Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2011'

while 7 months pregnant and the size of a house.

Ugh.

But I like pretty, sparkly, things so today's

FOOT FETISH FRIDAY

is brought to you via the

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2011.

Models, feathers, glitter, heels and I think they may have been promoting underwear

(but I didn't see much of that).

The disco ball bum dress.

For when the party really is in your pants.

Expression - "The oops I just farted - do you think anyone will notice?"

Woosh!

Adriana Lima - stupid costume but she's totally hot.

Expression says - "Why the hell have they glued umbrellas to my ass?"

Alessandra Ambrosio

I think they accidently super glued her arms up into this position.

Miranda Kerr's breast feeding boobies.

Miranda Kerr in the $2.5 million Fantasy Treasure Bra.

I don't care how expensive it is - I'd probably still end up throwing it in the washing machine and ruining it, just like I do to all my other underwear.

And saving the best until last -

Adriana Lima's superhero orange thigh high boots.

AWESOME in a Pretty Woman Hooker Boots kinda way.

Perfect for a quick nip down to Coles.

The finale.

"Yay - we can eat!!!"

Underwear? What underwear?

THANKFUL THURSDAY - Thanks for the sunshine GC!

2011-11-10T12:38:00.001+10:00

I'm not usually mushy or sentimental on this blog...

Tired, sarcastic, guilty of over estimating how damn hilarious I am...yes.

But I've been up since dropping the husband off at the airport at 5am and I needed something to do to fill the many, many hours until bedtime.

So today, I'm linking up with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday.

What am I thankful for?

Today I'm thankful that I live on the beautiful GC with the beach right at our door step.

I'm thankful that I have these two little girls to amuse me while the big ones are at school.

This one.

And this one.

I'm especially grateful that I bought those ballerina swimsuits from Mama Luvs Me on facebook.

They make everyone smile as they do their ballerina twirls on the beach.

And finally, I'm thankful that

I remembered to pack plastic bags in the beach bag

for the dumb dog who

decided to take

a dozen dumps on the beach.

Brother Max

2011-11-09T07:30:00.002+10:00

One of the uber FABULOUS sponsors of

Whoa Mumma's Fabulous Give Away Bonanza is -

www.brothermax.com.au

I have four kids aged 12 - 2, so it's safe to say that I've tried a lot of baby products over the years.

We've gone through a billion bottles, sippy cups, bibs, containers etc.

It's amazing how much plastic crapola you can accumulate in the quest to find something handy and durable.

And do you want to know what's really scary about most of the plastic in your cupboards?

It contains BPA, a chemical used to manufacture polycarbonate plastic.

There are studies showing that BPA has negative effects on humans.

Brother Max products are all BPA, Pthalate and PVC free.

Their products have been designed to take away some of the stresses and strains associated with bathing and feeding.

They're simple, clever and safe.

And they're super cute and funky!

The Brother Max Prize Pack in the give away includes the following products -

1 x 3 Catch and fold bibs. RRP $16.95

3 cotton tops and 1 crumb catcher to last the whole day.

Machine and tumble dryer friendly with leak proof cotton.

The soft crumb catcher acts as a mess free carry case for bib and cutlery.

Small Weaning Pots Stage 1 - Tray of 6 + Pen RRP $17.95

and

Large Weaning Pots Stage 2 - Tray of 4 + Pen RRP $18.95

These little pots are pretty cool.

They have a 'pop out' feature that lets you easily transfer frozen food from the cube to a bowl.

The individual pots click together for easy filling and storage.

Safe to go straight from the freezer to the microwave.

1 x 4-in-1 Cup RRP $14.95

Very funky 4 stage drink and learn cup provides your child with an easy step transition from bottle to cup.

1 x 3 Bath Toys Pack RRP $29.95

Box includes a sprinkler cup, ring rattle and twister flannel.

The spots on the toys change to yellow when the bath water is too hot.

1 x Easy-Hold Weaning Bowl Set RRP $15.95

Steam vents enable safe microwave heating with the lid on.

Sealed compartments prevent spills and portions mixing during travel.

Detachable sucker base holds the bowl firmly in place.

The heat sensitive spoons change colour if food is too hot.

Wrap around handle for a comfortable hold.

TOTAL PRIZE PACK VALUE = $114.70!

Be sure to enter Whoa Mumma's Give Away Bonanza for your chance to win this prize from

Brother Max.

Spat Solver

2011-11-08T09:36:00.004+10:00

The husband and I had a...um...
slight disagreement on the weekend.

Something to do with me

repeatedly ~~telling~~ asking him to move the damn dog out of the house

and him repeatedly

telling one of the kids to do it

(who couldn't shift the fat bast*rd with a crane)

then me telling him

if he didn't move the damn dog

he could damn well

cook his own damn dinner
and
blah, blah, blah

* insert slamming door *

Other words and expletives may have been used.

I'd originally planned to write a wordy and HILARIOUS post about it.

But last night I was
~~dicking around on facebook~~
doing really important things on the internet

when I noticed

a commotion on my friends facebook wall.

With a few clicks,

I discovered a marriage breakup

splashed rather publicly

all over facebook.

And so I decided that my relationship status didn't need to be shared with the internet.

Instead, I went and found this little gizmo.

The Spat Solver.

I think this would solve 99.9% of relationship problems.

Fabulous Give Away Bonanza!

2011-11-07T21:02:00.009+10:00

To celebrate all the new fans on the Whoa Mumma facebook page
(OMG - approaching 6000 at last count)
and to reward all of you who leave your awesome comments on this blog.

WHOA MUMMA

is holding a

FABULOUS GIVE AWAY BONANZA!

This Give Away is huge!

Seriously HUGE!

I wanted to offer a variety of cool stuff to thank you all and these amazing businesses have provided

the most fabulous prizes.

Thank you!

Brother Max

A huge prize pack

worth over $114!

1 x 3 Catch and fold bibs RRP $16.95 incl. GST

1 x Weaning Pots Stage 1 – Tray of 6 + Pen RRP $17.95 incl GST

1 x Weaning pots Weaning Pots/Stage 2 - Tray of 4 + Pen RRP $18.95 incl GST

1 x 4-in1 Cup RRP $14.95 incl. GST

1 x Bath Toys RRP $29.95 incl. GST

1 x Easy-Hold Weaning Bowl Set RRP $15.95 incl GST.

The Brother Max innovative and elegantly designed product range has been specifically created with the needs of both parents and little ones in mind. Each product from the award winning baby brand has 3 clever functionalities and are designed to make parenting life simple.

All Brother Max products are BPA, Phthalate and PVC free, so children will not be exposed to potential harmful toxins.

The range includes feeding, weaning, bath, health and travel products.

Check out the range at

www.brothermax.com.au

It Works!

4 pack of Ultimate Body Applicator

$139

The Ultimate Body Applicator is a non-woven cloth wrap that has been infused with a powerful, botanically-based formula to deliver maximum tightening, toning and firming results when applied to the skin.

Birdsnest

$100 gift voucher

Shop online by body shape, occasion and colour.

They've just launched a new feature on their site where you can create your own personalised style guide based on your body shape, personality and favourite colours.

http://www.birdsnest.com.au/me/favourites

Dressy Girl Kouture

4 x $25 e-gift vouchers

Be the belle of the ball with their glamorous designer collections of special occasion dresses and accessories.

Dressy Girl Kouture wants to make that special event in your life one to remember.

Curvaceous Couture

$50 gift voucher

Fashion for women with curves in all the right places!

They offer a wide variety of plus size fashion in sizes 14 - 36, from smart casual to evening wear.

It's an All-Things-For-Women boutique also selling vintage pieces, handbags, shoes and accessories.

Stucey Shoes

1 pair of shoes

Up to $54.95!

Stucey Shoes sells a huge variety of stunning women's shoes at very affordable prices.

Looooove perving on their latest shoe pics when they pop up on facebook.

You can never have too many pairs of shoes!

Have a browse through their store on ebay or stay updated on their facebook page.

Free Size Fashion

1 x Free Size Fashion Lace Smock in Red

Sizes 8-18

$49

Free Size Fashion is a range of size 8 - 18 ladies fashion.

Every Free Size Fashion item is stretchy or adjustable and will adapt to your body shape.

Suitable for everyday wear, weight loss or weight gain journeys, maternity and beyond.

The Karma Soap Company

$30 gift voucher

The Karma Soap Company use only the best quality products to make handmade fresh goats milk soaps in a range of colours and frangrances.

Goats Milk Soap helps ease the effects of eczema, dermatitis, acne and other skin irritations.

None of their soaps contain preservatives, alcohol or petroleum products.

Fussy Kids Inc

$20 gift voucher

Stockist of the most adorable, healthy fun ways of presenting food to even the fussiest of eaters!

Sandwich cutters with the cutest shapes and faces, food colouring markers, egg moulds, snack packs, drive punch templates and ice packs.

My Little Fairy Door

$20 gift voucher towards a customised fairy door.

Bring some magic into your home.

My Little Fairy Doors are designed to open inwards so only fairies can open them!

Each comes beautifully packaged and includes a special bag of fairy dust.

Zen Designs

Jewellery pieces

Hand crafted jewellery, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, key rings and house charms.

Zen Designs was created so every woman could afford to wear beautiful jewellery everyday.

Zen designs...jewellery for a positive world.

How to participate:

1. Like all the fabulous businesses on facebook

using your personal profile

(pages don't count in fan figures)

To make it easier I've created a big link up on the

Whoa Mumma facebook page.

Click here to access that link.

Using your personal profile hover your cursor over each business name.

When the 'Like' box appears, click 'Like'.

2. Leave a comment below in the yup, you guessed it, comments section.

Please mention the country you reside in,

Due to some custom restrictions, sponsors may not be able to ship to all countries.

Make sure your profile links to an active email or facebook account.

If I can't track you down you will miss out!

3. Have a fabulous day!

The Fabulous Give Away Bonanza will close on 21 November 2011. By participating in this Give Away you are agreeing to the terms and conditions.

Nag, Nag, Nag

2011-11-07T11:24:00.001+10:00

Mondays are usually designated

'let's clean up all the crap from the weekend'

days.

The 5 other people (and dog) who live in this house are all apparently in the advanced stages of

alzheimers

and can't remember where the hell anything is supposed to go once they finish using it.

So this morning I dragged out the vacuum cleaner and attempted to hoover up all the crapola.

The dumb dog had other ideas.

So I gave up on that idea.

Instead I decided to inspect the 12 year old's bedroom.

The 12 year old has previously been known as

'The Hoarder'

on this blog.

So with much trepidation,

I pushed open the door.

And as usual,

was greeted with the usual pile of wet towels, school uniforms and LPS mountains all over the floor.

LPS, Littlest Pet Shops (or Little People's Sh*t) are the bane of my existence.

I'd hoover them up like I do to Lego but they clog up the hose.

Then

I noticed what the kid

had written on the notepad on her desk.

Note 2 Self - clean room.

Ba ha ha ha.

So that's some good news at least.
While they choose to ignore me, it seems that they do hear me when I nag...

P.M.S - What It Stands For

2011-11-03T08:00:00.002+10:00

The only reason I keep getting pregnant is to avoid periods.

For real.

But for all my friends going insane at this time of the month,

that's what I think PMS should stand for - Purchase More Shoes.

(any excuse to buy new shoes)

Also,

Here's a few more possible meanings for PMS...

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Swing

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweats

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Poor Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

13. Putting up with Men's Shit

14. Potential Murder Suspect

Say It Isn't So!

2011-11-01T10:16:00.005+10:00

So Kim K filed for divorce just 72 days after her wedding extravaganza.

* Bangs head against computer *

Jeez....who could have predicted that????

Well she made it to the 1st of November.

Guess the cheque just cleared.

"After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands that this was not an easy decision."

CAREFUL CONSIDERATION??? I've spent more time considering whether or not to do the washing.

As much as I love to watch my trashy reality shows, it really irks me when celebrities completely take the piss out of marriage.

Stick it out and suffer like the rest of us.

I ♥ MY BODY DAY

2011-10-29T14:41:00.006+10:00

Today is I HEART MY BODY Day 2011.

I stumbled upon this concept this morning and after a few minutes oggling Vegie Mama's amazing boobies

decided to join in.

The concept of the day is pretty simple...

If someone asked you what you love about your body would you be able to answer them right away?

Or would you instead think of all the lumpy bits first?

This day is about loving your body for what it is.

A VESSEL FOR YOUR AWESOMENESS

TO RESIDE IN.

My body?

It started off tall and thin and with the first two kids apart from expanding at the belly, pretty much stayed that way.

Yes. I admit to being one of those women who escapes pregnancy unscathed

(apart from the unmentionable bits that were ripped to shreds by my kid's fat heads).

In my late twenties after years of not having them I acquired some boobies.

They are awesome.

In my early 30s, I popped out two more kids.

Coincidentally, with these pregnancies I discovered blogging.

Which goes great with Hungry Jacks Bacon Deluxe Burgers.

And after years of not having one, acquired a fat ass.

* Stupid bloggers butt *

I admit to being conscious of what my body looks like.

I was super critical of myself in my teens and twenties (yes, I blame my mother).

I think I wasted a lot of time wishing I didn't have crooked legs, cellulite, longer hair, boobs.

Looking back at photos of myself, I want to grab that girl, give her a shake, a hug and tell her to stop being stupid - YOU ARE AWESOME.

I'm now 34.

And I'd like to think I've eased up on myself.

I like to look good. I love to feel good.

When my body doesn't look the way I want it to, it makes me feel guilty.

Not because I'm comparing myself to other people and how they look but because I'm not taking care of my body the way I should be.

When pushed my body can do amazing things - it can run 5km without dropping dead, it can look pretty bad ass in a dress, it can withstand copious amounts of booze,

...it can MAKE PEOPLE for heaven's sake!!!

A lot of the bloggers participating have posted pics in their underwear a la Scar Jo...

but I couldn't be bothered looking for some ~~clean~~ nice underwear to pose in.

So here is Whoa Mumma's body today.

30 weeks pregnant with number 5.

The belly has finally overtaken the size 18 butt in size.

I've gone from 67kgs to a lot more than that...

I still don't have any stretch marks.

My feet swell if I don't exercise (which I don't), I've got spider veins on my legs, my arms have gotten wobbly,

my skin is crap (no glow here apart from a constant sheen of sweat)

and I've acquired a few more chins.

And to be honest apart from giving myself a fright when I waddle out of the shower and see myself in the mirror,

I don't really care.

I know that after I have this baby, if I show my body some love, it will love me right back.

I HEART MY BODY.

T.G.I.F

2011-10-28T07:25:00.002+10:00

1 new STINKY dog.

1 pissed off cat.

1 trip to the emergency room for fingers squashed in a car door.

1 Prep Open Day.

2 lost TV remotes.

Countless pairs of missing school shoes.

1 visit from The Nit Fairy

5am starts everyday.

T.G.I.F

Thanks for the diagnosis Doc - now what's the best way to treat it?

Hey There Hot Legs!

2011-10-27T14:18:00.001+10:00

I wrote a post a few weeks back sharing too much information.

Just call me Whoa Yeti.

Whatever.

Can't see them, don't care.

Here's a little flow chart for those of you who can still see your legs.

Raising Small Souls

2011-10-26T11:43:00.003+10:00

Today we went off to the Prep Open Day at primary school and pretended to be a normal family.

The kids had a ball.

Mummy ate too many scones and had a mini orgasm at the thought of buying new stationery.

School uniforms?

Not so much.

Who's designing them? Karl Lagerfeld?

I've already put two kids through primary school so I thought the experience would be less, well... emotional...

but nope, the b*stards got me when they played this video.

Raising Small Souls.

Meet Our New Baby!

2011-10-25T08:00:00.005+10:00

On Saturday I was taking a shower when I heard wheezing and spluttering coming from the lounge room.

Oh crap - I thought - the husband's Sara Lee addiction had finally caught up with him and he was having a heart attack.

I grabbed a towel and ran - well waddled my uber pregnant self - into the room.

Only to be greeted with this monstrosity.

Meet Cobba aka Slobber.

A British Bulldog.

The latest addition to the Whoa Mumma family.

A surprise from the husband.

Yay.

What a thoughtful gift from my beloved.

Who is at work 5 days a week.

I have 4 kids.

I sure as heck didn't need another thing needing me to do stuff for them.

I dislike dog smell.

I dislike dog hair.

Floor mopping OCD is back in full force.

Do you think the this family has watched The Game Plan one too many times?

Cobba aka Slobber can skateboard.

But the big fatty can't swim.

Should have shut the pool gate kids.

Not, not him.

But soooo funny.

The cat, like me, is unimpressed.

Stubborn fat bugger is impossible to push off the couch.

No idea how he jumps up there.

But after a few days in the house the dog is now officially part of the family.

He's fat, farts, snores, falls asleep in random places and likes to watch Kim Kardashian on TV.

We are a classy family.

* Sigh *

Linking up with Jess for I Blog On Tuesdays.